Advice, Part 1: When To Give It

As a general rule, I try not to give out advice. I'll be the first to admit that I don't always follow that rule, but I try nonetheless. Aside from not wanting to sound like poor Lucy van Pelt, I don't think that giving advice to other people is all that effective for several reasons.

The first reason I try not to give advice is that everybody is different. Any piece of advice you give is based on your experiences, your situation, and your points of view. The advice you give may be perfect for you, but for the other person it may not be a good fit or it may even be a downright disaster. Sure, you can try to put yourself into someone else's shoes, but rarely can you get inside someone else's head well enough to be effective.

Secondly, if people don't like what happens when they follow your advice, there's a good chance that they'll blame you for it. I don't know about you, but I've got enough stuff to take responsibility for and I don't think I'd want to take responsibility for things that I tell other people to do. That'll lead to strained friendships, resentment, ugly fights, etc. Not pretty.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, if you tell someone how to deal with a situation, they'll never figure it out for themselves. When someone asks me for advice, I'll tell them how I see their situation and what I would see as some possible courses of action, but I try (again, "try" is the key word) not to tell them what to do. Said another way, I'll discuss the situation with them in an attempt to help them figure it out, but I don't try to figure it out for them. If they come to a conclusion that's different than I would have come to, so be it; I'm not them and my solution may not work for them, but at least I (hopefully) helped them figure their problem out and hopefully we'll both understand each other's position.

As with all things there are some exceptions, usually dealing with people asking for advice regarding something that they have absolutely no experience with. It's a total judgement call. The perfect example is the two pieces of advice that I give new parents. Don't take anyone else's advice, and never, ever, under any circumstances, change your baby's diaper until you get home; the stuff that comes out of a newborn's behind for the first two days or so of it's life is something that new parents do not need to deal with. Ick.

Part two to follow....

(First image courtesy of MyFreeWallpapers.com. If I have posted this image in violation of copyrights, please alert me and I will remove it immediately.)